[Book Treasure] 5600 Jokes for All Occasions

October 2, 2011 § Leave a comment

5600 Jokes For All Occasions l By Mildred Meiers & Jack Knapp l Avenel Books l New York l 1980

I found this ‘treasure’ in my father’s bookshelf.  My father bought this book in 1986—when I was still very-very-young
According to the writers, this book was meant to be a quick reference, a helpful guide to the writing and telling of jokes—besides purely for pleasure and laughter, of course ^_^
In the introduction, we could find some tips for using its contents, such as:

How to select your material
How to write and tell jokes
How to adapt jokes
How to write sketches and continuities

(I think this book was a worthy material for stand-up comedians that time, hehe,  because nowadays we can easily find it out in the internet)
There are over than 30 topics of jokes in the book, i.e anatomy, communication of ideas, married life, writer, sports, travel, politics, world, many more.

Let me rewrite some of them that I found interesting and funny (I read it randomly).

[page 22]
Yes, sir.
What part?
All of me.
Why did you leave Russia?
I couldn’t bring it with me.
Where were your forefathers born?
I only got one father.
Your business?
Where is Washington?
He’s dead.
I mean, the capital of the United States?
They loaned it all to Europe.
Now, do you promise to support the Constitution?
Me? How can I? I’ve got a wife and six children to support.

[page 173]
This is quite well written, but my firm only publishes work by writer with well-known names.
Splendid! My name’s Smith.

[page 181]
Your voice surprises me.
I studied and spent $1,000,000 to learn to sing.
I would love to have you meet my brother.
Is he a singer, too?
No, he’s a lawyer. He’ll get your money back.

[page 242]
Officer, this man is annoying me.
But this man isn’t even looking at you.
I know it—that’s what’s annoying me.

[page 253]
I wanted to call my dog ‘Shakespeare’ but my mother wouldn’t let me—said it would be an insult to the man. Then I wanted to name him after you, but my mother wouldn’t let me.
Good for your mother!
She said that would be an insult to the dog.

[page 255]
Son, I’m spanking you because I love you.
Dad, I’d like to be big enough to return your love.

[page 492]
All right, now we’ll make up sentences using the word “beans”.
1st: My father grows beans.
2nd: My mother cooks beans.
3rd: We are all human beans.

[page 493]
What is the opposite of sorrow?
And the opposite of misery?
And what the opposite of woe?

[page 493]
My son just received his B.A.
I suppose now he’ll be looking for a Ph.D.
No, now he’s looking for a J-O-B.

[page 531]
Judge: You seem to always be getting drunk. Thirty days!
Man: All right, Judge, I’ll toss you—sixty days or nothing.

[page 569]
London is the foggiest place in the world.
Oh no, it’s not. I’ve been in a place foggier than London.
Where was it?
I don’t know where it was, it was so foggy.

…and thousands more that make me smile and laugh! Glad to find this book.Which one do you like the most?


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